No Choice

Why do I want to die but can’t. Why can’t i kill myself? As i think this through harder and harder, it becomes more and more apparent to me that this “killing myself” part results in an contradiction. It’s subtle, but when thought very precisely, the contradiction is revealed.

Look, the thing is, for ‘A’ to kill ‘A’, A must exist, but if A killed A, it doesn’t exist, as by definition, killing means collapsing existence. So, A killing A results in a contradiction.


So, it’s either contradiction or that A cannot kill A, i.e. A cannot extinguish it’s existence, i.e. this existence defined as A, cannot not exist, cuz if it did, how is it existence?

But anyway, it’s either contradiction or no contradiction ; A cannot kill A. In yet other words, A’s impossibility to kill itself can also be written as “A cannot not be A” or as, “A cannot cease to be A”.

If contradiction is true, then A can indeed not be A. It’s really a matter what space or frame of reference one looks at, or is in. But, then it is also true that no-contradiction is false.

However, if one comes out of this contradiction -noncontradiction space then both can not be true and/or false, i.e. both can not be themselves i.e. be others and yet be themselves.

Now again, if even this contradiction-noncontradiction space of contradiction-noncontradiction is escaped, there is the other space and so on. So, there is always the other. This, as it goes to infinity, is the thing I’ve termed/coined as “Infidefiception”, which is the cumination of three words: Infinite + Indefinite + Inception, which is just layers of indefiniteness upon indefiniteness up to infinity.


Anyway, without wandering off to much, we can see that two choices persist.

If we take no contradiction, therefore, A cannot kill A. What this translates to in the case of our dealings, and particularly in the case here, is that the “I” at t=1 cannot kill “I” at t=1. But it might be such that, event A (or I ‘A’) can have an illusion of effecting (here killing) event B (or I ‘B’). But, anyway, one state impacting the other state is impossible, as for any state to exist its existence is the only necessary thing.





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